I am and I am not a lot of things

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You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always love you, That's where I'll be waiting.

Jan 11, 2008

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Lend Me a Kitten

I will lend to you for awhile a kitten, God said.
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief
You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

I fancied that I heard them say 'Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done'
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call him back much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of him whom we loved, please help us while we grieve.
When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.

Although the image I portray is rarely consistent,
many people mistakenly perceive me as somewhat angry, but I am not necessarily the aggressive sort.

My public persona tends to be a front
that is carefully calculated to keep certain people
at bay and as it turns out it can be very effective.

Even under the pressure of day to day living
I maintain my own personal space that I guard at all times.

Valuing my privacy, I keep most people at arms length
and resent those bold enough to attempt an intrusion,
and I don't have qualms with that assessment
as long as it keeps undesirable individuals away.

I don't like being the center of attention and I work hard
to maintain a low key unobtrusive image. Going unnoticed
allows me freedom from the prying eyes of others and the chance
to create my own reality.

I love to do things that give me problems in the long run.
I sometimes get myself into difficult problems and situations
whose emotional consequences are too much for me to handle,
then I wonder how the whole mess started in the first place.

I also love to carry a grudge and I'm no slouch when it comes to remembering
the many ways I have been wronged. Even if the personal slight
occured a year ago, I'll remember the incident in full detail.
I tend to be quick to anger and somewhat hard to forget.
A bad trait and I'm learning to undo it.

I hate the prospect of working for the rest of my life.
I am the sort of person who may even look to retiring,
then I can remove myself from lifes unpleasantries
and clean out all the cob web in my head.

In general, I enjoy loosening up, relaxing and
having a good time.

The best approach to befirend me is working along side with me
for a long enough period of time that I feel comfortable with you.
This may take two hours, two days, two weeks or two years.

I don't readily trust people and may keep my guard up for a long time.

I maybe a difficult character to get to know, but once i let you
inside my private world, you'll be glad I did.

These maybe some of the things
i want people to see in me...

they and i may both fail but these are what i am
and these are what i am going to be...

I am COMPLICATED because I thrive in EXTREMITIES...

I am a certified BITCH... bitching about anything stupid and absurd
though sometimes i regret it)...

I am INSECURE...of the rich and the famous...

I am NOBODY...trying to be somebody
doing something worthwhile someday...

I am SIMPLE... always wanting to live an unpretentious life...

I am a LIAR...just because i have my own edition of TRUTHs...

I am HONEST...but not because being one is noble,
but it's a must for me to tell my version of reality...

I am HAPPY (though i could be HAPPIER)
but not without past sufferings and pains...

and because of these I am a SURVIVOR...
outstorming every storm...

I FEAR a lot:
from darkness, lightning, drowning, blood,
horror movies to physical pain or self-inflictions
but only next to my fear of being alone and lonely...

I am SELFISH because I have to get what I want
(some of them)...

I am SELFLESS... ready to yield to anything
for the sake of common happiness...

I am IN LOVE... with my family and friends because
they are two of the three entities who sum up my life hence,
I am in love with LIFE...

I am not your EXTRAORDINARY guy...and I do not give a damn...

I am and I am not a lot of things...

but i do not try (harder) to be different because that would not be ME anymore...

so far, I AM enjoying just being ME (most of the time)

Does it Matter

My father asked me if I am gay
I said "Does it matter?"
he said "Not really"
I said "Yes"
He said "Get out of my house"
I guess it mattered

My boss asked me if I am gay
I said "Does it matter?"
he said "Not really"
I said "Yes"
He said "You're fired faggot!"
I guess it mattered

My friend ask me if I am gay
I said "Does it matter?"
he said "Not really"
I said "Yes"
He said "Don't ever call me your friend ever again"
I guess it mattered

My lover asked me "Do you love me?"
I said "Does it matter?"
He said "Yes"
I said "I love you"
He said "let me hold you in my arms"
for the first time somethings mattered

God asked me
"Do you love yourself?"

I said
"Does it matter?"

He said
"Yes"

I said
"How can I love myself? I am gay?"

He said
"This is the way I made you, how can you not love yourself"

And nothing will ever matter again

Will You Be My Friend?

There are so many reasons why you never should:

I'm sometimes sullen, often shy, acutely sensitive,
My fear erupts as anger, I find it hard to give,

I talk about myself when I'm afraid
And often spend a day without anything to say.

But I will make you laugh
And love you quite a bit
And hold you when you're sad.

I cry a little almost every day
Because I'm more caring than the strangers ever know,

And, if at times, I show my tender side
(The soft and warmer part I hide)
I wonder,

Will you be my friend?

A friend

Who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie
Will touch the secret place where I am really I,

To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep,

Who will not run away when you find me in the street
Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats
But will stop and stay - to tell me of another day
When I was beautiful.

Will you be my friend?

There are so many reasons why you never should:

Often I'm too serious, seldom predictably the same,
Sometimes cold and distant, probably I'll always change.

I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child.

I brood and pout, my anger can be wild,

But I will make you laugh
And love you quite a bit
And be near when you're afraid.

I shake a little almost every day
Because I'm more frightened than the strangers ever know

And if at times I show my trembling side
(The anxious, fearful part I hide)
I wonder,

Will you be my friend?

A friend

who, When I fear your closeness, feels me push away
And stubbornly will stay to share what's left on such a day,

Who, when no one knows my name or calls me on the phone,

When there's no concern for me - what I have or haven't done -

And those I've helped and counted on have, oh so deftly, run,

Who, when there's nothing left but me, stripped of charm and subtlety,

Will nonetheless remain..

Will you be my friend?
For no reason that I know
Except I want you so.

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And at the end of the day when everyone leaves ...
memories will always stay

Tamia, Brandy, Chaka Khan, Jennifer Holiday - Missing you
Ma, Pa, Jeric and Joy's picture before they left for the US 5 years ago
Miss you guys ... look oh I have kids na

Mar 7, 2009

Hearts and Souls Cattery 1st Litter
11 Photos, 2 comments

Boracay 2009
229 Photos

Coffee and Bean
14 Photos, 4 comments

Cat Show 11/9 Tiendesitas
50 Photos, 6 comments

Treasured Moments
286 Photos, 18 comments

Santino
36 Photos, 15 comments

Chubs
64 Photos, 22 comments

Mommy Sandy
38 Photos, 8 comments

Calypso
57 Photos, 22 comments

Twilight
78 Photos, 7 comments

Stolen Moments
139 Photos, 29 comments

My babies
44 Photos, 20 comments

The Archs
106 Photos, 21 comments

The Lizards
35 Photos, 9 comments

Hon and Me
25 Photos, 3 comments

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Thinking out loud

Jun 29, 2010

The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love

I want to tell you a very old story about the man who didn’t believe in love. This was an ordinary man just like you and me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He thought love doesn’t exist. Of course, he had a lot of... more

Previous blog entries:
Jun 28	-	No one there
Jun 28	-	Peekaboo
Jun 20	-	Missing you???

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Let's share some secrets ...

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summerpastor wrote on Sep 1, '09

myie04 said

Hi I'm Mariel. One of Arni's Batch 1. I read your post on her guestbook and I was THINKING if it is true that the amount you are waiting to be refunded was 800 thousand?? well by reading your message I was losing hope that my money will be given back.

Hi Mariel,

naku oo nga noh mukhang 800k LoL
actually3k lang what i was trying to write is regardless if 800 to thousands of pesos na binigay ng clients sa kanya
na frustrate lang siguro ako, we only texted her once regarding the issue, sabi nya kasi by end of july daw pero till now
wala pa rin, mag aaniversary na yun sa december lol

myie04 wrote on Sep 1, '09

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summerpastor wrote on Apr 17, '09

wow mare ang ganda :D naku maraming salamat :)

myhoneytzu wrote on Apr 17, '09

Mareng SUMMER!! Hope u like it! :)

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summerpastor wrote on Mar 18, '09

Hi Mare :) I so love the cat ang cute

myhoneytzu wrote on Mar 15, '09

Hi Summer! hehehe

summerpastor wrote on Mar 10, '09

kourant wrote on Mar 7, '09

ako rin pa post :-)

summerpastor wrote on Feb 1, '09

nullmaligno said

nakakaduling dito

o ano summer? buli ka gitara? nyehehehe...

naku kung alam mo lang friend frustration ko mag gitara :)

pero mas madaming makikinabagng nyan kesa sa kin lol

nullmaligno wrote on Feb 1, '09

nakakaduling dito

o ano summer? buli ka gitara? nyehehehe...

puffalumps wrote on Jan 4, '09

Hi mare!

baronpuffs wrote on Oct 31, '08

Preggy kasi yung i-shoshow ko sana sis kaya atras muna ako. Plus ipambibili ko nalang ng cat food yung i-sho-show, wehehehe! So glad nasa PPO na ang ilan sa atin sa PPF. Sana tlaga dumami na tayo sa forum kasi nakakatulong talaga iyon for all of us and our cats!

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summerpastor wrote on Oct 30, '08

ihackedyou said

Hi SumR! Sensya na sa kulit ng duaghter ko ha. Baliw kasi nagmana sa kin, hehe! Uy nabenta na yung isang female kitten ko. Super cry talaga ako. Pero am happy kasi yung lady buyer, very excited at talagang namili ng mga gamit for her. Wala na palang PPF e. Na-hack daw. Mag join ka nalang sa http://premierpets.forumarena.com. Sana dumami na tayo ulit dun. Ipagkalat mo ha, hehehe!

naku mare ok lang yan LoL nakaka aliw nga eh

grabe naman yung nag hack ng PPF as in naman kikita sya sa ginawa nya

sige punta ko :D mag show ka na ba?

ihackedyou wrote on Oct 30, '08

BTW, punta ka sa cat show sa Nov. 9 sa tiendesitas ha!

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Listen ... and Relax

Apr 30, 2008

Touch Mobile Customer Service Representative

This is so funny ... really really funny ... coming from a non-call center employee, it will really make you laugh LoL

But for someone who works in a Call Center this is a big NO NO. This only proves how Filipinos degrade and shame our own kind... more

Previous playlists:
Apr 11	-	My song for Paul and our babies
Apr 10	-	Anne Murray Duets: Friends and Legends
Apr 8	-	Japan Text message tone

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Let's try some new stuff? ...

Mar 10, 2009

Papaya pok pok, Sumtam, Papaya Salad

The meal is quite simple to make. The main ingredients are shredded green papaya, chopped green beans, tomoato, dried prawns, unsalted roasted peanuts, chillies, garlic and lime juice. These are all pounded together in a mortar using a pestle. The sound it makes is "pok pok". *(http://www.enjoythaifood.com/somtam.php)

Me and Paul this Thai movie last weekend that featured this food. Curious as cats we decided to search online for the recipe :)

We'll be making it this weekend :D

Previous recipes:
Mar 17	-	Japanese Salad
Mar 5	-	Tuna Patties

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Let's shop around shall we? ...

Mar 1, 2009

Hearts & Souls Cattery 1st Litter

Little Sa nt ino Sylvester Osiris Horus... more

Previous listings:
Sep 9	-	Cat Litter Chest
Aug 23	-	Scratching post with cat perch and rope ladder
Aug 23	-	High Rise Kitty Condo

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They say Love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

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Hear me out ...

Feb 15, 2008

On "Gay" Themed Indie Films

It's nice to know that a lot of people these days are making "Gay" themed indie films. By doing so, the public would come realize finally that were part of the community.

However, these films focuses on the lifestyle where gays are portrayed as... more

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Enjoy watching

Aug 15, 2008

Family Pet Lion

A touching story of true love and friendship

You become responsible , forever, for what you have tamed.
~The Little Prince by Antoine Saint de Exupery~... more

Previous videos:
Jul 12	-	Toot Tone
Jun 28	-	Pug saying "I love you"
Jun 17	-	Repost from Kate: Till then

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summerpastor

Online Seller

I am and I am not a lot of things

The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love

These pins are great for

*School organizations / Clubs *Corporate giveaways *Parties / Events / Gatherings *Alumni homecoming *Birthday, Wedding, Baptismal giveaways *Souvenirs *Reunions *Elections / Campaigns materials

Touch Mobile Customer Service Representative

Papaya pok pok, Sumtam, Papaya Salad

Hearts & Souls Cattery 1st Litter

On "Gay" Themed Indie Films

Family Pet Lion

Summer

School organizations / Clubs
Corporate giveaways
Parties / Events / Gatherings
Alumni homecoming
Birthday, Wedding, Baptismal giveaways
Souvenirs
Reunions
Elections / Campaigns materials